British Booze Bars Shrink Beverages – It’s going to be a hell of a lot harder to get a buzz going for the Brits.  Weights and Measures has decided that beer should be served in sizes smaller than the traditional pint.

This has caused great confusion to beer drinkers since so many of them monitor their intake by how many pints they’ve drank.  Bartenders predict that patrons will begin buying more than the usual amount of beer in the beginning and then dramatically cut back for fear they are drinking too much.  Future beer sales are unpredictable at this time.

The Dead Get Evicted – Talk about not getting a little peace.  A Detroit Funeral home went into foreclosure so the county evicted the Funeral Director AND the dead bodies.  The deceased were sent to a hospital for – get this – storage!

Dumbass Robber Leaves his Thumb at The Scene of the Crime – There are stupid criminals and then there are idiotic buffoons.  A Washington thief is an idiotic buffoon.  Earlier this week he decided to break in and rob an illegal whore house.  Oops did I say whore house?  I meant brothel.

Anywho, the thief breaks in, steals some cash and then whacks his thumb off with a machete.  To make matters worst he left his thumb there only to be reunited with it a few hours later at the hospital. 

How did he manage to find his thumb at the hospital?  The police escorted it there.

Bananas Not Allowed In Your Panties in Australia – Just in case you should ever decide to smuggle bananas into Australia in your panties you should know it isn’t permitted.   If customs officers find bananas in your panties they will toss you into jail – minus the panties.

A 56 year old Samoan woman found this out the hard way when she was discovered to have a few live banana plants living in her under pants.  The plants were confiscated and she faces a 10 year jail sentence.  No more bananas for you my friend!

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