Don’t look at me like that, sometimes I think!

Anyway, I was thinking about how someday man might inhabit an alien planet and I wondered if racism would still exist, even in Outer Space. I think maybe racial discrimination knows no intergalactic boundaries; but then again I think racism doesn’t have a leg to stand on considering what the newly relocated inhabitants would have in common.

My pro con list on the subject reflects a 50/50 split whether racism will or won’t exist. I’d like to think that as Earthlings advance or progress towards living on another planet that we would, over time, shed petty perceptions of mankind as a species, but I’m not entirely that naïve.

Let’s say - hypothetically speaking - that man attempts to inhabit the planet Titan. We spend billions and zillions of dollars on research and colonization and we succeed. Imagine that we adapt to our new environment and we thrive. The only species we encounter are of the animalistic and plant types that do not conduct life in the way humans do.

The reason we would succeed in that scenario is because our species would still be the dominant species. We would be the smartest and most advanced species. It seems like a perfect plan but we can’t forget human nature is still human nature in Outer Space. So my question is, in this scenario, will racism still be an issue? Jump forward 100 years. Will we be at each other’s throats still? Will we segregate ourselves on this new planet just like we have done on Earth? You would think it wouldn’t happen because we would all come from the same place; Earth. Country and culture would no longer be relevant. I wonder if this particular trait will devolve and disappear from our kind.

Now let’s pretend mankind inhabits an alien planet and during colonization discovers there are other intelligent life forms that we will have to contend with. Perhaps some of them are violent and don’t care for our species. What if they don’t want us on their planet? Isn’t that racism? But what if they don’t want us on their planet for a different reason than our humanoid-ism? Would we start throwing our own kind under the bus and let them face the hostile Aliens?

When we, as a species, begin to travel intergalacticly will there be an Emigration Authority? Who would decide who gets a Visa? I think intergalactic emigration will be the cause for some serious war.

Humans consider themselves the dominant species. We take it for granted that hold the power when in reality that may not be the case. One day we may find ourselves enslaved by an alien species. We could face extinction, who knows. It’s weird to think about and to be honest I’m not sure whether or not I’d want to be around to see what is going to happen.

If you feel so inclined to follow me around and see how boring I am you can find me here.

Some would argue that it is impossible to “Go Fuck Yourself!” To those of you who truly believe that, I’m going to let you in on a little secret the rest of us already know. It IS possible to “Go Fuck Yourself” and here’s how.

1. You’ve been married for 50 years. Throughout those years you have been a cantankerous asshole. Eventually you reach a point in your life when you can no longer hold your own bowel movements so you ask your significant other to change your depends He or she remembers asking you to clip their toenails once and you demanded that they go fuck themselves. Now you’re sitting there with shit in your pants. You have officially fucked yourself. Karma goes around baby. Gross but true.  

2. You get a new job. Yay! Yay for you! You work hard to impress your boss. You take on every challenge you are given and you volunteer to work like a slave for free. Your boss notices your efforts. Instead of a promotion you are given more responsibilities and are expected to go above and beyond the requirements of the job because if you say no you’ll be fired AND you don’t get a raise either. You, my friend, have went and fucked yourself with your naive and excessive volunteering.  

3. A car needs to fuel to run. Including your car. If you had put gas in your car when the little dummy light came on indicating its need for fuel then it wouldn’t have died in the middle of that busy 8 A.M. traffic ingested intersection last week when you were wearing a robe and slippers. Consider yourself properly self-fucked.

4. You’re out with buddies having a great time getting incredibly trashed when you pass by a tattoo shop. On a drunken impulse you proclaim you want a new tattoo. With your pals cheering you on, you waltz into the shop and inform the tattoo artist that you want some ink. When asked what you want you promptly slur, “a bald Britney Spears.” You are fucked….forever.

5. Let’s just say that someone breaks into your house to rob you. And not just rob you of your monetary wealth but to rob you of your well-growing marijuana plants. Just as they are making off with your weed, you come through the door, see what is going on and beat the snot out of them. Later you decide to relocate the plants so you toss them into the back of your pickup truck and cover them up with a blanket. Enroute to the new location you are pulled over by the police because they caught a whiff of something coming from your vehicle. When they discover your purple sticky punch you explain that you had just been robbed and are now moving your pot plants so you don’t get robbed again. Guess who just went and fucked themself?

6. Let’s say that you are the one doing the robbing this time. And you decide you are going to do it up right and rob a bank instead of steal a few stupid pot plants. You scribble out a stick up note and head for the local Bank of America. When you get there you shove your stick up note at the first teller you encounter. The teller obliges and gives you all the money in her till. You wake up the next morning to discover that the you accidentally wrote your stick up note on the back of your electric bill. You have successfully fucked yourself long and hard just like the guy that will be fucking you in jail.

7. You’re traveling out of state and you need some cash so you stop at the nearest ATM machine. You go through all the steps, swiping your card, entering your pin number and selecting cash. When the machine spits out your money you snag it up and cram it into your wallet. The only problem is that you didn’t pay attention to your watch and it took you longer than 3 seconds to put your money away so the ATM eats your card. As if that’s not bad enough when you call the bank that owns the ATM machine you are told that your card will be locked inside until after 9 P.M. It gets better. You are also informed that when your card is collected from the machine it will be instantly shredded and there is no amount of money you could offer them that would make them open the machine prematurely to retrieve your card. Lubricant is a requirement when you go and fuck yourself like that.

Sure there are more ways to go fuck yourself but this is a list of 7 ways. That’s what the title says so I’m sticking to it. If you have ever went and fucked yourself feel free to share the dirty details in the comment box below.

A few minutes ago I was sitting here watching the news with my husband and he told me he bought me some cottage cheese. I immediately asked him small or large curd?

He said small curd. I wrinkled my nose. Ewwwwww! I like large curd that’s good and milky. Small curd reminds me of ricotta cheese which I detest.

He then informs me, “oh man! French dressing and cottage cheese is good!”

How sickening. This changes the way I look at my husband. Our marriage may not survive such barbaric tastes.

Nigerian Goat Implicated for Grand Theft Auto - I don’t make this shit up!  So there was these 2 guys in Nigeria. They stole a car.   According to the police they cornered the 2 would-be car theives and one of them turned into a goat.

The Police then paraded the goat around in public and got his mugshot.  Wondering what happened to the other car theif?  He escaped and the State Police aren’t talking about it.  Read it for yourself.

Bodyguard Tattle Tells on Angelina Jolie -   Yea it’s true.  You have to be living under a rock to have not heard about this.  One of Angelina Jolie’s former - and disgruntled might I add - bodyguards has decided to write a book, which in itself is funny about supposed naughty secrets Angelina has kept from Brad Pitt.  

Somehow I get the feeling he knows all about it and it doesn’t bother him a bit.  Dumbass bodyguard.  See here.

Woman Jailed for Not Returning a Library Book -  Don’t believe me? It’s true.  A woman in Illinois checked out The Freedom Writers Diary from her local library.    The librarians didn’t like that she ignored library policy and kept the $14 book for way too long.  They called her house but she didn’t answer.  They mailed her reminders and got no response.  So they called the cops.  The cops arrested her and released her on a $250 bond.   That’s what you get.   Return your fucking books.  That’s how the library works asshole!

Man Kills Babies He Fathered with Daughter - What the hell is wrong with people?  Some sick fuck in Missouri raped his teenage daughter and got her pregnant. 4 times.  Then he killed 2 of the babies. Authorities aren’t sure about the 3rd one and the 4th one is in State custody.

The bastard stuffed the babies bodies in a cooler.  The girl’s mother let it all happen and even hoped her daughter would have a boy.  Sick, sick, fuck!

Police Pepper Spray Snowball Fight - Now there’s your tax dollars at work. Nothing like throwing a few benjamins at a college snowball fight.  The campus police in Carolina thought nothing of it either.  When 200 East Carolina University students busted out in a snowball fight the campus police tried to step in.  The students bumrushed them and got pepper sprayed.  Ha!  LMAO!

A few minutes ago he wanted to call a local organization and asks me for the number. The other day he wanted to call Pappa Murphy’s Pizza and luckily for him that’s one I know from memory.

Sometimes he’ll call me from work and ask me for a phone number. Which usually ends up with him asking me to call whoever it is and deliver a message.

I’m completely boggled by the fact that I am the only person in my house with the ability to use the phone book. And that I’m the only one in my house that actually uses it BEFORE asking anyone else for a phone number.

My generation must be the only one that ever really learned how to use the Yellow Pages!

Streets of Gold & The Pearly Gates - I don’t get this at all.  The King James Bible says  in Revelations 21:21 “And the twelve gates were twelve pearls: every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.”

I guess Christians cant count.  It says 12 gates.  Not one gate.  I wonder who makes these gates?  There must be a crew of gate building angels.  

This is what John saw.  He says he saw the city descending from above.  It was shiny and pretty.  

Here’s my problem with that.  Throughout the New Testement Jesus advises his “people” to cast off their earthly possessions to follow him.  He admonishes the rich man and tells him it would be easier for a gigantic water bloated camel to squeeze through the eye of a sewing needle that it would be for a rich man to get into heaven.  

Sucks to be you rich bastard!

If that’s so and in order to be a good Jesus follower it is necessary to survive on only your most basic of needs then what the heck is the purpose of pearly gates and a golden city?  

John also says that in his vision the sea gave up the dead, Hades (how did I ever miss the use of the word Hades in the bible???) gives up its dead and the dead in the earth rise to meet up with their bodies so that they can be judged.  They’re still dead right?  As in the flesh no longer operates properly?

So following my original line of thinking the pearly gates and the city of gold remain useless.   What good is a city to a dead person?  What goes on in this city?  What else is in this city besides golden streets and pearly gates?  Platinum business buildings?  Why would business be necessary in the after life?  Are there houses in this golden city?  If not where do all the dead-reuinited-with-their-bodies people go when they’re tired of walking the streets of gold?  That doesn’t make any sense.  I still see so no reason for a golden city.

Most mind boggling of all is that there ARE gates and in Revelations 21:25  it says “And the gates of it shall not be shut at all by day: for there shall be no night there.”  Further on in verse 27 it explains that anybody not on the guest list ain’t getting in no how, no way.

I’m sorry.  Come again?  The gates serve no purpose either?  Shocker that is.  Somehow this is starting to remind me of the Obama administration to come…lots of useless overindulgence.

Back to the pearly gates… So these gates, all 12 of them are permanently lodged open.  What happens if someone manages to sneak in? Do they get thrown over the top of the pearly gates?  Could someone sneak in?  Will that cause a riot in the lake of burning fire?  I can see it now… a rebellious group of protestors crashes the pearly gates and goes on a looting spree; stealing every brick of gold they can get their hands on.  Jealous sinning butt sniffers.

The Flood -Fond childhood bedtime story it is not! Everyone knows the story of Noah’s Ark and 40 days and 40 nights that flooded the earth.  What???

Do you really think the entire earth was flooded?  I don’t believe so.  I believe that the story of Noah was recounted the way it was because the author wrote about life the only way he knew how.  Moses had no idea as to the size of earth.  He certainly didn’t know anything about other people living across the globe from him.  Even Christopher Columbus has more worldly knowledge than Moses, at least he knew the world wasn’t flat.

This post is getting long.

I’ll wind it up with one final thing.

Have you ever read the very end of the bible?  The ending sucks.  1368 pages of condemnation, miracles, adventure, sex, finance, lecturing, advising,  and thought provoking details and it ends by saying those that read and apply the bible as Jesus says to get to enter those pearly gates and those that don’t…well…losers go to hell.

That’s it.  That’s all folks.  There’s no clue as to what we’ll be doing after all this takes place.  No future game plan,  no goal sheet, no checklist.  Most books offer a sneak preview of the next book by giving you a chapter read.  That’s the least Paul could have done.  Instead he ends the most often bought book in the world with, “The grace of our LOrd Jesus Christ be with you all, Amen.”

So far all I”m seeing in biblical bullshit.

I found this so funny I thought I’d share some of my findings.

Jessica Alba wears granny panties.  I’m not sure why this is important or why I should care but The Insider threw it out there so apparently it should mean something to me.  I did read the write-up didn’t I?

Granny panties saves lives.  A couple of guys were trying to cook themselves something for lunch and caught the stove on fire.  One of them reaches into a nearby laundry basket and pulls out a pair of his grandmother’s blue granny panties.  He wets them in the sink and douses the fire.  Granny panties to the rescue!

Granny Panties have made it to the blogosphere.  I

 found a gazillion blog posts about granny panties.  So much so that I got lost in the reading and after an hour of chuckling, cackling and plain out guffawing I realized I had only partially finished this post.  Here are a  couple of granny pantie blog posts I found amusing.

Where Have All the Granny Panties Gone?

Queen of Rambles  on Granny Panties.

From: Me, To: Me, Are You Wearing Granny Panties?

Men are fascinated by granny panties.  Some men go so far that they are willing to even try wearing granny panties themselves.  Check out these idiots in granny panties.

They sell granny panties for men.  That is shocking.  Not shocking in a disgusting kind of way but shocking in a shake-your-head-that’s-too-damned-funny kind of way.

Buy Your Manly Man Panties at Panties for Men

The top 3 posts on the page are the featured posts.   I also got rid of links to crap that was useless including some of the widgets that were slowing down the pages.

There are icons next to each post listing now which is cool.  I’m still adding those images to older posts so if you come across one without an image included just be patient, I have almost 300 posts to manually add meta data to.

Well that’s it.  I’ve got a few new posts in the works so check back soon.

Apparently he has “the fucking weirdest looking mole under his eye” that caught her attention. It doesn’t take much with Rhonda.

Rhonda’s sort of a skank. She’s been my best friend for about 13 years and even way back then she was a skank. That’s probably why we get along so well, I”m a wanna be skank and she’s dying to get in my pants. She’s been trying to get in my pants for the whole 13 years I’ve known her. Her husband accepts this fact and I believe if it were to happen he wouldn’t be all that upset by it. Neither would mine.

Anyway Rhonda moved several states away about 8 years ago so now we only get to talk on the phone once in a while. The miles of separation is the only reason I haven’t been ravished by Rhonda – or so she says.

We were jawjacking on the phone the other day when she confessed to me her obsession with this strange man’s mole.

Mole man works in the same casino as Rhonda. According to her the first time she met him she noticed his mole and couldn’t stop staring at it. Now she’s taking lunch when he does, follows him around the casino and even asked him if she could touch it.

He said yes and she did. Touch his mole that is.

While Rhonda is telling me about her new fascination I hear her husband in the background saying, “You’re fucking sick Rhonda!”

And people think I’m weird. I think I just have weird friends.