Way back in the day there used to a tattoo shop in town  who’s owner was referred to as “Dirty Dave.”  Why he was called Dirty Dave is a long story but let’s just suffice it to say he liked’em young.

Anyway,  Dave’s tattoo shop is still around but there’s a better place to go now; Main Street Tattoo.

I started thinking about getting a new tattoo a couple of years ago but never got around to it.  I couldn’t decide what I wanted or where I wanted it.  I worked out one design and toyed with the idea for a while and then recently I was inspired to get something else.

So I sat down a few days ago and designed my new tattoo, printed it up and took it into Main Street Tattoo.

I met a pretty cool guy there who gave me my new tattoo today.  He’s cute, sexy and didn’t laugh at my design.  I hate it when people laugh at my shit.

So here it is.  Check out my new ink.

When I was at work today I had to run an errand. Part of my job requires it. I can’t tell you where I go because it’s Michael’s top secret, classified daily operations. If you were to find out where I have to go then I would be forced to kill you.

To further exacerbate that point; Michael’s is sending all associates who run this errand to self defense classes. To date I can take down an entire army of small woodland fairies with a hot glue gun and some floral wire. Don’t fuck with me!

When I was walking across the parking lot towards my car I saw something so funny that I had to take a picture to post here. The associate riding with me thought I was nuts for standing in the middle of the parking lot and taking pictures with my cell phone all so I can blog about it.

As a part of Michael’s errand policy one associate must accompany another associate. At the end of the shift the accompanying associate’s mind is read and their memories are wiped clean during what is referred to as “Showtime.” Most associates have remarked not remembering anything that has happened during the day before “Showtime.”

Anyway, when I saw the object in the below picture I had to shake my head in wonder and amazement. These guys must have huge balls. The first thought that crossed my mind is oh my god, what it must look like when a chick is driving. Followed by the thought that maybe they are on to something. People are sure to remember them. I know I will.

I don’t care who you are, this shit is funny!

Legendary talk show host of Oxygen Channel’s Talk Sex with Sue Johanson said goodbye a couple of nights ago. This crazy old lady knew everything there was to know about sex and she shared her knowledge with the rest of us weekly, late at night.

Watching Sue was a delight. She always had an answer to everything. Her show highlighted some of the best sex toys on the market and truly helped people with sexual dysfunctions.

Sue Johanson had been on television for 32 years and her notorious Talk Sex with Sue Johanson show aired for 6 long seasons. I wish her well!

I like to share. I like to share all sorts of things; clothes, shoes, husbands - you know, all the usual stuff.  One of my favorite things to share is cool things on the net.

First I want to share this little tidbit with you.  My husband pulled a fast one on me the other day.  I was watching that movie Reign on Me with Adam Sandler and I made the comment that he reminds me Henry Winkler aka Arther “The Fonze” Fonzerelli.

My husband pipes up with, “That’s because Winkler is Adam Sandler’s father.”

I said, “No. You’re full of shit.”

“Yes way.” Says he, “look it up”

So I did.  I’m sad to report that no, Adam Sandler and Henry Winkler are not related.  It’s a crying shame because they are so much alike.

Moving on…. Read these, you’ll love’m.

Tic Tac Crack
An orange tic tac may be small, an orange tic tac may be delicious, but its impact can be devastating.

10 Signs Your Man is a Playa
Learn how to tell the difference between a playa and a keeper. Get savvy and optimize your chances of finding true love. 

How to Work at Home as an Adult Webcam Model
This work at home adult job can be a fun way to make a living, but is also hard work.

Sexual Submissives Learn to Enjoy Domination, Humiliation in Sub Space
Sub space is where submissives go in their own heads that allows them to enjoy or appreciate the experiences they are given by their Dominant.

PMS - a Survival Guide for Men
Hints and tips for men

Spontaneous Human Combustion Support Group
Tips on how to start a Spontaneous Human Combustion Support Group in your area.

Confessions of a Truck Driver
There is a dark world out there. It encompasses every major highway and road. It reaches into stores and into your house. You’re a part of it whether you notice or not.

How Blogging Can Help You Lose Weight
A few handful tips on how you can use blogging to your advantage if you have a few pounds to lose.

The Fire-Brand of Truth
Cowboys names are on the back of their belt so when they pull their head out, they can see their name.

Privacy issues in the News: the RIAA, passwords, and the 5th Amendment
The Recording Industry of America Association (RIAA) is the agency trying to enforce copyrights by suing suspected file sharers.

Top 6 BDSM Songs: Discover the Darker Side of Today’s Popular MusicWhen well-known popular artists start singing about it, then it must be fashionable. Here’s my list of songs eluding to the BDSM lifestyle.

The Art of Mooning
How one can make a lasting impression by simply dropping the pants, the skillful art of Mooning.

On May 3^rd the gardening world is encouraging people to strip off their clothes, get together with friends and family and play in the dirt. While this may seem like a joke or a prank it is a real event in which the sponsors hope to see grow in number of participants. The mission: to gain a better appreciation for our bodies and understand how natural it is to be naked in nature.

A few of the perks of participating in World Naked Gardening Day are being out in the sun, breathing fresh air and enjoying being au natural.

According to the WGND website, “When you’re out there with a gentle breeze on you, every last hair on your body feels it. You feel completely connected with the natural world in a way you just can’t in clothes.”

There are some obvious predicaments that go with naked gardening. Things like red ant nests, bees, wasps and spiders are a given in gardening so when participating in World Gardening Naked Day remember to spray yourself down with some good backwoods insect repellent.

Those not brave enough to challenge the outdoors in their birthday suits are still encouraged to participate by doing their gardening indoors. Puttering with your plants indoors is considered gardening and meets the qualifications for participation. Everyone is invited to plant something new and that can easily be done in a small windowsill pot.

For gardeners that are completely comfortable with naked gardening there are cities that will be holding events specifically for World Naked Gardening Day.

To find out whether or not an event for World Naked Gardening Day is happening in your town look for local garden clubs and check their event calendars.

The next best place to search for naked gardening events is at nudist resorts. Everything is done nude at nudist resorts so gardening naked would be an ordinary event. This happens to be a great way to garden naked without having to worry about offending neighbors or harming your reputation in the community. No one will be the wiser unless you tell them that you spent a weekend at a nudist resort planting flowers.

Although there is no official agenda in the making, the owners of the World Naked Gardening Day site is gaining support from hundreds of other naked gardeners. They plan to host World Naked Gardening Day the first Saturday of every May so be sure to mark your calendars.

To check out the World Naked Gardening Day website follow this link:

http://wngd.org/

Should you decide to participate in the World Naked Gardening Day don’t forget to share your photos and stories with WNGD.

I’ve been anti-social lately and for that I apologize. I’ve had so many things going on around me that I haven’t had much energy left for blogging. Hopefully that is all going to let up sometime soon.

San Francisco Here I Come!

Next week is my anniversary so I won’t be around to get any Fucked Up Friday News posts made. Nothing new as of late huh? Sorry about that, I am planning to get this weeks posted today. Better late than never.

Anyhow, for our anniversary my husband and I have decided to indulge ourselves with a trip to the city. San Francisco feels like home to me. I love the sound of traffic which suits me fine since we will be staying in the heart of downtown San Francisco. Check back soon for a review of Beresford Arms Hotel. It looks fantastic!

Usually when we visit San Francisco we spend the entire weekend walking the hills, popping in and out of shops, drinking like fish and stopping in to see every bar we pass by and just living it up tourist style.

Not this year. This year we actually have an itinerary. We’ll be arriving on Friday afternoon so we are trying to find a good comedy club or dinner theater. We were considering ZinZanni’s but it’s just too much of a stretch on our budget this time around. If you haven’t checked out ZinZanni’s website you are truly missing out. What I’m really hoping we do Friday night is go see a San Francisco Giants baseball game.

Saturday morning we’re going to hop onto a cable car and head to the Palace of Fine Arts Theater. I’m not sure what to expect. This is something my husband really wants to see and I’m game. Should be interesting, art in its many forms always is.

Saturday evening is what I’m looking forward to. This will be my first trip to the famous former prison Alcatraz. I’ve lived in California for 22 years and I’ve never been there. As someone attracted to the paranormal you would think I camp out in the place. I wish. It’s too bad they stopped having their Halloween sleepover. That would have been a blast.

As it is this should be just as fun. It’s a boat cruise at sunset and a guided tour of the prison. Can’t wait.

Our last day in San Francisco will be the perfect ending to a great weekend. Before we head home we’ll be spending the afternoon at the San Francisco Zoo.

Damn I can’t wait for the weekend to come!

Here’s a youtube video of one of the ZinZanni performances.

Originally Olympic sports were done naked. Although they require clothing in this day and age, there are athletes that are sticking to that tradition. In light of it being yet another Olympic year, here is a look at 7 real sports nudist and non-nudist people do naked.

Bicycling - As crazy as it sounds naked bicycle riding is legal; under certain conditions. Most of the time, this means an organized ride authorized by the local government. Most of the time these organized rides are sponsored by non-profit groups who want to protest an issue, raise awareness or make money. In 2007 Seattle hosted a World Naked Bike Ride in which hundreds of bicyclers rode through the city in the buff.

I imagine that naked bicycle riding is dangerous. A rider would have to be very careful how they sat on the seat. Maybe there are specially designed bicycle seats for naked people.

To join the World Naked Bike Ride sign up here.

Skating - Now this is an interesting concept because unless you have a large slab of concrete on your property you’re going to have to go out in public, naked and on skates.

Naked skating is…Read the rest

Computer viruses come part and parcel with being on the internet. Unfortunately so do computer virus hoaxes. Typically, uninformed internet users receive a suspicious email or virus alert and pass along the information to other uninformed users without checking the validity of the virus. In essence the hoax itself becomes the virus due to the way it is spread. Below are 8 of the most commonly found computer virus hoaxes on the internet. Some of them are still floating through cyberspace scaring innocent victims into believing their computer crashed because they caught a virus.

1. Reeirti Virus - This is one of the most current virus hoaxes spreading through the web. It began being circulated amongst Serbian speaking users in February 2008 and may have begun to branch out into other languages. Supposedly this is a virus internet users get when they open an email from reeirti@hotmail will cause your hard drive to…Read the rest

Hillary Clinton has asked President George W. Bush to boycott the 2008 Olympics opening ceremony and while that is a noble thought I have to ask myself if that in itself is doing enough.

As representatives of the United States of America, should our athletes participate in the 2008 Olympics? How can we as a country justify being a part of something that will add money to the pockets of the very people who treat human rights as nothing other than a passing fancy?

Every nickel and dime from tourists and corporate sponsors will go directly to a government that represses its people and executes them in public for no other reason than it is an annual event.

China has failed to follow through on its promise to improve human rights. They were given the 2008 Olympics in good faith that they would keep their promise and instead they launched war against a spiritual movement.

Since 2002, over 6,000 people have been evicted from their homes to make way for construction of the new Olympic Stadium in Beijing. Many of them violently…Read the rest

I sat down this evening with my husband while he watched the news. Normally I use this time to read but not tonight. Tonight when the news anchor said gas is $4 a gallon in California I sat up and paid attention.

In the town of Goleta, unleaded supreme gas is $4.09 a gallon.

There hasn’t been very much time to adjust to seeing the price of diesel go over $4 and now this. Gas prices are like diseases that spread like wildfire. It won’t be too much longer before those of us in the San Joaquin Valley see $4 a gallon at the pumps.

Kristin Billie Davis, not to be outdone by Ashley Dupre, has touted herself as being the ruler of “the world’s largest escort agency,” according to the New York Post. What the Post doesn’t tell you is what kind of hairstyle trends the madam has followed.

Finding pictures of Kristin Billie Davis wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. There are a few photos found on tabloid and newspaper sites and from what I see so far, her hair reminds me of a style Christina Aguilera sported when she first arrived on the pop scene.

This particular hairstyle trend is still popular especially amongst beach bunnies. It consists mainly of bleached locks and loose layered curls. Davis’s choice of hairstyle isn’t too shabby considering she’s been labeled a “biker chick” in the media.

It is apparent that Troy Polamalu follows the cave man hairstyle trend. His long main of dark wavy hair sort of explodes…Read the rest

Traveling with sex toys, vibrators in particular, has the potential to turn from greatly anticipated vacation to sexually humiliating nightmare rather quickly. Airport security is working more diligently to find strange, possibly dangerous, items in passenger’s luggage these days. Here’s the right way to travel with your favorite sex toy.

Packing sex toys and vibrators
You should never just toss your toys into your suitcase. Each toy should be packed with precision. There are two kinds of packing materials to take into consideration.

1. A cloth bag. Any soft, clean cloth bag will do. You can even use those purple drawstring bags that Crown Royal Whiskey comes in. A cloth bag will protect your vibrator from getting travel grime on it as well as keep any existing cords from getting tangled in your personal items. Note about ordinary cloth bags. These will not keep your vibrators from showing up on the x-ray machine.

2. Cleverly disguised sex toys. You can purchase vibrators that look like ordinary hair brushes, a tube of lipstick or even a sports massager. Typically
security sees these things and pays them no attention.

Where to pack a vibrator
First of all never pack your vibrator in your carry on luggage unless you have no other choice and I can’t image a scenario where you will be tortured and shot if you don’t bring it.

If your trip is so short that you don’t have any luggage to check in then check in your carry on and only carry on what you can put in your pockets.

In other words don’t ever carry on a vibrator or sex toy, always check them in. When you go through security checks at the airport, your carry on bag, shoes and anything in your pockets have to be put in small bins and passed through an x-ray machines. Some toys have the potential to look like weapons as they are x-rayed…Read the rest

The haitus is over. I am returning to the neglected playground I call Raunchy Taters. I’ve sat on my butt and not posted anything for way too long and it’s time to remedy that. For starters I’ll be posting today’s Fucked Up Friday News. I know it is a long time coming and I promise to make this a good one.

Secondly, I’d like to share a video with you that a good friend of mine sent me. If you don’t have boobs on the brain after this then you’re just fucked up.

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer took the podium on Monday to apologize to the American People for his inappropriate sexual conquests with prostitutes, his wife Silda Spitzer at his side.

While her husband, New York village idiot, Eliot Spitzer, spoke of healing himself and his family she looked on with nary a word. Her silence has shocked many people causing theories to be thrown here and there, willy-nilly to the wind. Now, I offer you a few of my own theories on why this woman would remain silent.

Theory #1

We’ve seen wives of politicians at the podium before. They’ve become an armband accessory of wholesomeness in these cases, dangled like a $2 bracelet in front of the public to show how a cheating man really just loves his wife - and his whore.

Silda Spitzer joined the ranks of other…Read the rest

Everyone - including Raunchy Taters.

I’m not depressed in the sense that I’m down in the dumps but I’m burned out. I need a break.  If you haven’t noticed I haven’t posted much lately and that trend is expected to continue for a couple more weeks.

I’ve decided to take a hiatus from posting for a couple of weeks.  I’ll still be checking in and moderating the spam that the Bad Behavior plugin doesn’t catch but that’s about it.

I’ll be working on some other projects so it won’t be all fun and games.

See ya soon, don’t get too raunchy while I’m gone.

With the uproar caused by gays outing themselves in America came an increase in same sex marriage proposals. The people of the United States quickly divided themselves into groups of “for” and “against” campaigns and regardless of stance all have been looking for the hullabaloo to be laid to rest. The solution is so simple that law makers can’t see the trees for the forest.

Just stay out of it. It’s that easy. There are some issues our society must muck through without having to spend gobs of taxpayer’s money to research, investigate and propose a law on it. Some things, we as humans are capable of dealing with on our own. Same sex marriages is one of those things.

If memory serves me correct, I believe that the United States was founded on freedom of religion and I do believe the gay issue in America to be a religious one. If conservative republican Christians were as worried about making good decisions on behalf of The People as they are about which lesbian is screwing which lesbian things would be a lot different.

There are religions that support the gay community and so I find it curious for people to deny…Read the rest

I have phobias.  Sue me.  If my socks feel funny in any way it makes me go berserk.  I can’t stand to have twisted socks.  A wide open cabinet door sends me into a downward spiral and there may potentially be an evil stranger in the back of my car late at night, in my mind anyway.

My phobias have become a source of humor for my husband.  I don’t think of them as phobias at all, I’m just neurotic.  I think everyone likes things to be a certain way and we all have our quirks.

Lately certain people in my house have been pointing out what they perceive as my phobia of strangers. I don’t think I have a phobia of strangers, I just don’t like them.  I’m a friendly kind of gal but I don’t feel good around strangers and having them unexpectedly pop up during the course of my day unnerves me I’ll admit, but phobia shmobia I say.

A couple of weeks ago my husband really started teasing me about strangers calling on the phone after our insurance agent called and I wouldn’t answer the phone.  When I looked at the caller ID it said unknown name and then displayed the number.

Since I didn’t recognize the number I sought out the kids and asked them, “who’s number is this?  Do you know who this is?”  they didn’t know so I headed straight for the hubby.  He was telling me, “hurry up and answer it will ya?”

By the time I handed him the phone the ringing had stopped and his cell phone started screaming.  “Must have been for you.” I told him.  He laughed when he answered and apologized, saying, “Sorry about that, my wife has a phobia of strangers calling.”

I told him he better sort that out when he went to meet with her again.  I do not have a phobia of strangers calling!  We had an appointment, or I should say HE had an appointment; I don’t see it as necessary for me to go to every meeting but I don’t get out much.  He didn’t sort it out which he thinks is hilarious.

Then, Funny thing happened this evening.  We were sitting around, chit chatting, catching up on our day’s when the phone rang.  My husband automatically hands it to me. I don’t know why he does this; he knows I’m not going to answer it unless I feel like it.  I look at the number.  It’s not someone I recognize so I hand it back to him and he laughs.

I don’t feel like writing.  Anything.  And I don’t feel particularly social.  I’ll post later when something finally crosses my mind, if that ever happens again.  Until then, consider this the only Fucked Up news of the week.

Chris Pointed out to me that the spam I complained about earlier was sent by bots not real people; in most cases anyway. I just wanna say thanks Chris. I do know it’s a spambot but I still felt compelled to write to spammers in order to relieve my frustrations.

Today I saw that I had some comments so I came to see about them and along with the normal spam posts was a gem of a find. It has to be one of funniest spam posts ever made. I can just imagine how horny the person was who wrote the original. I was so amazed by the degree of horniness the author was experiencing because you KNOW whoever wrote it hadn’t been getting laid and was in desperate need of it.

I am so amazed by this spam post that I am going to post it here WITHOUT the links that accompany the original. I’ll also include the spambots email and IP address just so they receive all the credit.

*****Warning ***** Those of you who are unappreciative of pornographic reading ought not read the post from here. The following WILL have nasty connotations and may cause horniness in others. It may also cause those with any grasp on the English language to vomit. This will be the last warning you get from me. Don’t ever say I didn’t warn you.   Although we made a normal amount of noise driving up to the house and walking in, neither Heather nor her boyfriend, lying on the couch in a passionate embrace, seemed to notice as we entered the living room. We hesitated. Then you placed a finger on your lips, motioning me to be quiet; and we both relaxed, leaning quietly against the doorframe, enjoying the entertainment. Both Heather and her companion (who was unknown to us) were fully clothed, but the young man was trying to correct the situation. He slipped his hand inside her blouse, which was already half unbuttoned; she moaned softly, but slowly, reluctantly, pulled his hand away. He slowly reached in again, undoing one more button; even more slowly, she removed his hand again. Like a stuck record, the identical motions were repeated over and over. It was not difficult to understand the young man’s fascination with what was under Heather’s blouse. When she had arrived, it was obvious that she was not wearing a bra; her large, firm breasts stood out proudly from her magnificent 18-year-old body. I suppose I stared, but she didn’t seem to mind. As we walked out to the car, you laughingly told me that I could stop drooling. And now, as if in a projection of my fantasy, those luscious young tits were being stroked and fondled. Suddenly, the boy seemed to tire of the game, and sat up on the couch in a huff, still looking away from us. Heather, suddenly concerned, pressed up against him, her breasts nearly overflowing her blouse, now almost fully open. At first, he would not be consoled; then he relented, and began to kiss her. How long would it be before he tried again, I wondered, but the youth had decided to try a different tactic; as he held her with one arm, he began to unsnap and unzip his jeans with his free hand. With remarkable dexterity, and without relinquishing the kiss, he opened his fly and pulled his jeans down just a little. Just a little–but enough. The sexual teasing that he had been subjected to, had given him an enormous erection, which sprung free impressing both of us. Still without breaking the kiss, he took Heather’s hand and wrapped it softly around his cock. After a few moments, she withdrew her hand; then, she slowly broke the kiss and gazed down, dreamlike, at his erection. Slowly, on her own, she reached for it, stroked it lovingly, caressed its length with hypnotic fascination. Heather’s friend moaned softly; and slowly, gently, but inexorably, began to push her head toward his lap. We exchanged excited glances; it was obvious what he wanted. We nearly gasped out loud as Heather began to lovingly kiss the side of kiss cock, as he moaned in sudden pleasure. She began to lick the length of his cock with long strokes, obviously aware of–and enjoying–the effect she was having on her partner. Her red tongue danced slowly up and down his swollen prick, teasing him, unleashing his passion. Suddenly, boldly, she encircled the head of his cock with her moist, full lips. The magnitude of the unexpected pleasure seemed to be too much for her friend to bear; holding her head down on him, he thrust wildly with his hips, driving his shaft deep into her mouth. Not surprisingly, she gagged. At the same time, we gasped and they heard us. Spammed by: UnoleteeltBet | | muscollections.com | IP: 91.124.62.69

P.s. I’ll be looking into that bad behavior module.

JibJab is a website focused on jokes, pranks, strange conceptions, bizarre behavior and other things people find funny. One of the great things about JibJab is that it has videos the same way YouTube has videos. Here are 10 of my favorite fart videos found on JibJab.com (most are also available on YouTube) and you can find all of them by putting their titles in the JibJab search box.

10. The Afghani Fart Song - The comedic value of this video lies in the fact that this man can not only sing a love song, but he can do armpit farts at the same time, in tune to the song he’s singing. Oddly enough, the gathering crowd is just as excited about his talent as he is. I’m not exactly sure what the purpose of the arm farts are but it’s a video well worth the watch.

9. A very dangerous fart - This video features the aftermath of a medieval battle. The warriors are making their way through the carnage to ensure there are no survivors. What they don’t know is that there are 2 men who are very much alive. They are trying to be quiet so they aren’t spotted but their plan to play possum fails to work when one of the two men farts not once but several times. I won’t give away the ending of the video, you should see it for yourself.

8. Wedding Fart - A man and woman are about to be married. The priest announces that the groom my kiss the bride. The bride asks if…Read the rest

I wish I could say this was the actual posting but I can’t.  I started writing this week’s Fucked Up Friday news on Friday but I got distracted by some things here at home.  Plus my brother showed up on my doorstep and that wrecked the rest of the day.

Last week’s Fucked Up Friday News didn’t get done because I was in Washington so I do apologize for slacking off.

I will get Fucked Up Friday News posted tomorrow even though it is late.

I hate spammers.  Almost every day I have to log in and delete spam contents from the Tater pages.  This truly pisses me off.  Spammers and their bots are the lowest of the low not to mention deluding themselves into thinking people will actually click on those links once their posted.

Although Raunchy Taters is a host to adult store links and other equally perverse sites it does not, nor will it ever provide links for increasing the size of anyone’s penis, random sex sites that you think I may be interested in, advertisements to win the lottery, get rich schemes in casinos, chain letters or any other things that are the result of you spamming the Tater.

When I receive an email notification that there has been activity on Raunchy Taters I haul my butt over to the admin control panel and check it out.  As soon as I see spam I click “spam” I don’t stop to read it and contemplate whether or not it is worthy of being on the site.  It is not worthy of being on Raunchy Taters.

The only way I’m going to put any links or products on this blog is if I feel like it.  Even then I must know you in some way, believe in your cause, want something from you, owe you something, or just like you. I don’t like spammers.

So all you spam and eggs type people that continuously post spam, knock it off.  Your spam will never be posted.  Don’t bother annoying me with this anymore.  Take your links for Viagra and ringtones and shove them in your anus. 

I’m finally getting mine – revenge that is not shit. For the last 10 years I have endured scoffing remarks, sneers, rolled eyes and disdain in general for teaching myself web design and computer graphics. I’ve been told I was doing nothing but playing more times than I care to remember.

But my time has come. My husband is a numismatist which means he sells, collects and grades coins. Recently he branched out and started an eBay listing and now he wants to build a website. Guess who he needs help from?

You got it. He needs my help. I don’t mind helping him because I get worked up, all hot and bothered by code.

If there’s one thing I’m discovering about myself in this process is that I suck as a teacher. I have absolutely no patience. My husband often leaves me flustered and shocked that he is such a newbie. Surely he should have picked something up from me. I guess not.

As he and I bicker back and forth over bits and pieces of code or suggestions I keep shaking my head and asking him, “are you really going to argue with me over how to put a link on a page?” I’m incredulous.

This kind of attitude makes me ignore him. While he’s pounding out code and trying to figure out where to put align=”center” I’ve got my famous mp3 player going and I’m singing, “come my lady, come, come my lady you’re my butterfly, sugar, baby. Come my lady, you’re my pretty baby, yo I’ll make your legs shake, I’ll make you go crazy… Girls like Syd and Nancy…”

So my husband has managed to get 2 basic html pages put together with a few images and some text in 2 days; a task that would have taken me 20 minutes but he’s learning and not doing too badly. He’s making common mistakes every newbie makes.

Back when I was yanking my hair out at the roots over learning to code a web site he was constantly underestimating the challenges that faced me. Now, he can’t seem to admit he was wrong enough times.

I have no sympathy for him though. I chuckle and nod in understanding when he’s stressed out. Two days of coding has taken its toll on him. This morning he awoke and donned his grouchy suit. I told him, “that’s it. No more staying up late working on code all night for you.”

Right now he’s watching tv and grumbling to himself and I’m sitting here smirking in satisfaction that good old fashioned karma goes around and I’m getting mine. So here’s to having an emergency midnight code shit.

By: Jenny Corvette

Or maybe it was lollipops… Well, I learned to suck something.

Maybe it’s because I’m a bartender, but I love giving head. Well, I love it in reasonable lengths, which is any duration that ends before the lockjaw sets in.

I’m not trying to blow my own horn (trust me, I would if I was double jointed) but I can literally last hours, only stopping momentarily for pee breaks. Whenever I’m menstruating, which by my last estimate occurs nearly a quarter of my life, I always treat my man to some fellatio. I’d much rather give him head than bloody sheets or else he’s going to start asking me to do his laundry. And I’m not quite ready for that kind of commitment. I don’t live with him and my only piece of property at his house is my backup vibrator, and I’ve decided to waive custody in the event of a sudden breakup.

I love my boyfriend more than I ever thought I could love someone, so I try to spoil him with blowjobs. Once I even gave him a coupon for fixing my computer. Good for One Free Blowjob (with the purchase of a blowjob of equal or greater value), some *restrictions* may apply.

*Valid only on days ending in Y.
*Valid between the hours of 12 AM and 12 PM.
*Offer not valid in front of parents.
*Offer not valid in front of video equipment.
*Offer only valid to current boyfriend, ___________.
*Not valid for anyone else unless he’s really cute.

My only problem with giving blowjobs is that my mind wanders. I start thinking about what I have to do the next day. My man‘s dick will be getting hard inside me and I can‘t help thinking, better pick up some bananas at the store. He’ll squirt out a little precum and my mind blurts out, whipped cream too. And I also get distracted. If the TV’s on, I start giggling at Letterman. Then he’ll flip on a porno and I’ll try to figure out what sexual act is being done based solely on the sounds of the women. If I don‘t hear any moaning from the woman on TV, I know she’s thinking up a shopping list just like me.

I wouldn’t get so distracted if the act of fellatio wasn’t a marathon event. But my boyfriend likes to keep me quiet for long periods of time. I don’t blame him. I’d cock gag myself if I could.

Speaking of gags, I think the gag reflex is God’s way of telling us fellatio is unnatural. I don’t know how girls manage with large endowed men. Sometimes I’m tempted to tell my boyfriend that the last thing that far down my throat suffered a devastating fate. It was swallowed, digested, and didn’t escape until I shit it out in little pieces. But telling him that would probably ruin the mood. I can’t help but to feel the inevitable ‘Gag Guilt’ after those times when I nearly vomit on his cock. Every woman who’s performed oral sex has tried to hide a gag in the middle of the bob dance. Of course it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it can’t be flattering to the man with his dick in our mouth, which is why I try to lighten the mood by giggling, this time at Conan O’Brian because the porno got over 30 minutes ago.

I get the best ideas for articles when I’m giving head. Can I help it that the muse hits me at unusual times? In fact, I wrote most of this article in my head while giving head. In between my boyfriend’s commands of ‘Slow down’ and ‘use your tongue,’ I wrote an entire article, made up a shopping list, and figured up my mileage on my last tank of gas. I’m a multitasking blowjob queen. And if you think that’s my tongue in my cheek, you’re hugely mistaken.

Of course, all the hard work, dedication, and perseverance is worth it the moment he cums in my mouth. I’ve never not swallowed. After long minutes of groaning and writhing beneath me, I up the ante by trying to suck out the entire length of his intestines through his vein popping penis. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was being tortured by the sounds he makes. And then he erupts inside me, like Mount Kilimanjaro. Well okay, more like my lawn sprinkler. But it’s all good. He shoots. (He scores!) I swallow. For several minutes, he’s physically unable to talk, which is just enough time for me to strip naked and straddle my legs around his face and proclaim, “Your turn!”

Which reminds me, I need to pick up some tuna as well.

Jen

Read my writings at Associated Content:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/75178/jenny_corvette.html

Visit my website:
JennyCorvette.com

Read the blog that almost got me sued:
BrokenSprings.net

Read the blog that almost got me arrested:
The Urinal Era

Visit me on Myspace:
http://myspace.com/jennycorvette

P.S. George Bush, if you’re reading, you’re a prick.

(A friend has told me I should get rid of the above part of my signature because it’s not ladylike to use such language. That may or may not be the case, but it doesn’t change the fact that George Bush is still a prick.)

photo compliments of stock xchange contributor naraosga

There are auto mechanics out there that knowingly target the women who come to their shops in an effort to get them to pay more for the same repairs a man pays less for. It’s a known fact that these kinds of mechanics will scam their women clients just because they are women. Don’t be that woman. Read these tips to avoid being ripped off.

As someone who was formerly married to a mechanic that had no qualms about ripping off unsuspecting women. I learned there are some easy ways to spot a rip off. You may not be able to stop a mechanic from trying to scam you because you are a woman but you can catch him in the act and save yourself some money. So ladies, check out the tips below and become a wiser consumer.

Read your car’s manual.  I can’t stress this enough. For most people the manual is a dirty little book meant to be kept prisoner in the glove box. Not so. Your manual will explain when routine maintenance should be done such as when the oil should be changed or the tires rotated. It will also tell you the codes for computer messages and lights that go off on your dash as well as a few troubleshooting tips. You should read and know your manual front to back. This book has the potential to save you hundreds of dollars.

An example of how the manual can save you money is when your engine light comes on. This message tends to cause panic and mayhem but there are some simple reasons that can cause it like not clicking your gas cap around enough times. If you don’t know that this can cause the engine light to come on and you take your car to a mechanic he may tell you that you need new oxygen sensors or head gaskets when in fact you just need to turn your gas cap another turn.

Inspection Tips.  When the time comes to take your car to the shop have a game plan. Make appointments with more than one shop so that you can compare the differences in diagnosis and price. Don’t believe the first mechanic you deal with because he looks cute and wholesome. At the time of the inspection make it a point to…Read the rest

The word fuck has lived under the guise that it was originally an acronym meaning For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. The real truth of the matter is that fuck was a Germanic word that meant to punctuate as well as a few other things. According to Robert Clairborne, author of The Roots of English; A Reader’s Handbook of Word Origin, fuck had no sexual meaning in its definition.

Regardless of usage there’s no mistaking the intensity behind the word fuck and its meaning is rarely confusing.

Fuck is the one word in the English language with the ability to accurately expression emotions in a way that is poignantly stressed. No matter how we say it those close enough to hear it are able to recognize exactly how we are feeling at that moment.

Common day folk are not the only ones using the word fuck. Throughout history several famous people have let the “F” word fly during public speeches. Here are just a couple of famous fucking quotes.

“Fuck yourself.” – Dick Cheney, June 2004. Vice President Dick Cheney said this to Sen. Patrick J. Leahy during a meeting on the Senate floor. The Washington Post was the only newspaper

Read the rest of this entry »

Stan Lee is the creator of several Marvel comic book characters and is hailed as the catch phrase guru of the industry. Recently he has hosted a television show called, “Who Wants to be a Superhero?” which includes a catch phrase competition. Thus far no one has been able to hold a candle to the notorious Stan Lee but even his catch phrases can be cheesy, so here are 6 of possibly the cheesiest catch phrases ever thought of.

6. “By the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth!” This catch phrase was invented by Stan Lee, the creator of Doctor Strange. The Doctor was a former physician that couldn’t operate anymore due to injuries suffered in a car wreck. He sought out an old wise man who could supposedly cure him and instead became a sorcerer. He often exclaimed, “By the hoary hosts of hoggoth” to get help from mystical gods when performing a spell.

5. “You won’t like me when…Read the rest

I just noticed something today. I don’t know why I didn’t notice it before but have you ever participated in a forum where there is lots of flirting going on and wonder to yourself how much of this forum foreplay is turning on the other particpants?

That actually crossed my mind a few minutes ago and now I can’t help wonder how many people flirt on forums and get turned on. Do their lovers thank them for engaging in foreplay like this?

Anyone have experience in this area?